I feel like I have written a novel and wrote myself in as the main character of my life. I imagined my life to look a certain way, and went after that dream. Shouldn’t we all feel like the stars of our show, after all, if we only get one chance to live our best lives, don’t we all deserve it?
I want to address the importance of women having lady friends. In my younger years, I viewed women as threatening and in the neighbourhood I grew up in, well I had every right to think that way. I had been betrayed by a number of good friends early on, which left a bitter taste in my mouth for many years and I had to work hard at trusting them again. Men have hurt me too, but there is something about women hurting other women that seems to cut far deeper. Aren’t they supposed to understand how it feels? So I kept most females at arms length accept my best friend whom I trust with my life. And it was enough for a while.
At the time, in my early twenties, I didn’t understand the importance of having gal pals especially as we grow and change into well rounded humans. I lived my life with my partner and went to my mother and my bestie for advice. It worked out fine this way until my first relationship failed. That’s when I reached out again to other women, looking for a larger knowledge base and it was through them I learned to heal.
I started to trust women again, slowly at first and more later on. We had all gone through similar situations and we talked, analyzed and helped each other through our issues. It was our shared knowledge that helped me through the most difficult times in my life, and it was my new gal pal camaraderie that led me to understand that not all women are evil boyfriend stealing witches. I didn’t view them as threatening anymore, and realized that women do better when they know better. I just needed to surround myself with people who knew better.
I chose my friends more wisely. I didn’t hold on to them if they were not a good fit, or I outgrew them from my childhood. You know the ones that made it under the bar before you had a bar? I matched my personality to the people in my life and when a good match formed, I would hold on tight. I appreciated my friends. I chose them with love and light in mind, an openness and an absolute trust. It wasn’t always easy, but I gave all what I had and got it in return. From a place of trust, we were women bonding over coffee. I enlarged my circle of friends to include a vast group of diverse women and our bond was our gender.
Later on in life, when my husband and family finally came along, I found other mothers going through motherhood at the same time. It was our shared experiences, our talking about what works best while raising our children where I found another common ground. I surrounded myself with strong women to learn from, respect and love. And learn I did.
—–
I have been dying to have a visit with my feminine mentor group, or Femtors as we like to call ourselves!
They have been so important to me in my life, especially as women, to embrace and support each other.
We met back in Daniel’s year of kindergarten when all our children attended Sunnyside Elementary School. The school became a pivotal push-off point towards my personal self growth and these ladies came along on the adventure, or more specifically, I dragged them along to PAC and Montessori meetings. We formed a strong bond that has never left us, even though our children have all been to many schools, some homeschooled and of course us we moved to France. Three of the five same aged kids will be attending high school together in South Surrey, and I felt my first pang of jealousy in about a decade wave over me. I wished I could be part of their daily lives. Such a great group of ladies. But I am happy for them nevertheless. And of course Europe is a great place to live. No regrets.
It is amazing to see how we all have changed, grown, throughout our individual trials and tribulations over the past seven years. We have managed to remain supportive and love each other even in the face of diversity and differing opinions. We have all been on our own amazing journeys over the years; loss of loved ones, struggles within, health issues, marriage conflicts, learning difficulties for our children, finances and pretty much everything in between. We have managed to cover all issues over the years!
Knowing and admiring these women have been a very important factor in my own determination to become a far better person. I love these ladies to the moon and back and I can only hope that in twenty years we will still be meeting up around tables somewhere in the world talking about grandchildren and our greatest achievements, hopefully over wine and far too much cake! I always manage to break my diet and inhale a piece or two!
For me the importance of having female mentors was not learned from my parent’s generation, but a new phenomenon that seems like a path to empowerment. Like Larissa said, if the troubles of the world were discussed by female leaders, it would be just like us at this table; sharing, listening, understanding and tackling the problems with love. Now there’s a thought.
